i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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