maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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