Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
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