Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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