he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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