I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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