My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
