And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize