Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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