Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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