marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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