Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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