Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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