i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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