I forgot how hot balto sounded
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
