weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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