i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The adults are the big ones right?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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