You can't special order awesome
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
