we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
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All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
And then he peed in my hair
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