her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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