so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
