dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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