Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
