I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
How's work?
Spinning.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
