Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
All the doctor said was why
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
