do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
