Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
