Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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