DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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