i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
