i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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