I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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