I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
