He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The air was thick with penises
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
