Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
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There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize