he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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