Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
