She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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