I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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