I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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