How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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