...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
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We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize