You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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