Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
