where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
then he tried to convert me to islam
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
