I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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