Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's blow job season.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
