Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
