one might say we're banned from that church
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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