The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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