I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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