someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
