Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
