I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
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if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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