I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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