I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Vodka?
Forever.
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Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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