I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
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She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
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Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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