Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
wakey wakey hands off snakey
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I didn't notice because vodka
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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